A shirtless model on a billboard. A bumbling loser in a sitcom. A callous businessman, or the suave guy who gets all the girls. If you ask the media, this is what manhood looks like in the 21st century: cool, powerful, and ruthless, or stupid, hapless, and helpless.
You might roll your eyes and say yeah, but the media stereotypes women, too. What’s the big deal? Well, the big deal is that stereotypes of any kind limit and undermine. And we’re seeing the effects of that: While women’s education rates continue to improve, each year in the United States, we see a disproportionate decrease in the percentage of boys who graduate from high school and attend college. Also in the US, young boys are four times more likely to be prescribed “sit still!” medications such as Ritalin and Adderall. And worst of all, world suicide rates showcase a whopping 80 to 90% of all suicides committed by men.
While I’m not blaming the media for the problems men are facing, these statistics have definitely made me take notice. I don’t want to stand by as either gender is forced into a certain box, or made to feel unworthy.
So what’s a spiritual thinker to do? For me, the starting point with this problem—as with any challenge we face—is God. In Science and Health With Key to the Scriptures, Mary Baker Eddy defined God as Father-Mother—that is, as incorporating and expressing both traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine qualities. In other words, both the male and the female are necessary. Both types of qualities are worthy because they originate in God. And in spite of society’s contention that men and women are from different planets, the nature of God as Father-Mother unifies the masculine and feminine. Instead of the genders being at war, in God we find complete harmony between “male” qualities and “female” ones.
All that might sound a little “out there” given the things we see in our own offices or communities. But we have to start somewhere. “What is the model before mortal mind?” Mary Baker Eddy asked. “Is it imperfection, joy, sorrow, sin, suffering?…Do you not hear from all mankind of the imperfect model? The world is holding it before your gaze continually. The result is that you are liable to follow those lower patterns, limit your life-work, and adopt into your experience the angular outline and deformity of matter models.” 1
You could think of that passage another way: What you see is what you get. Right now, the “model before mortal mind” is a pretty bleak picture of manhood. And right now, that’s definitely what we’re seeing play out. Politicians and call girls. Or inept guys who can’t even boil a pot of water without help from their female counterparts.
The good news is that changing that begins with each of us. It begins with our individual models—the version of manhood we choose to embrace, and the version we choose to hold to, no matter what the rest of the world is offering up. Here’s one version according to Eddy: “The ideal man corresponds to creation, to intelligence, and to Truth.” 2
As a guy, I love this definition—and not because I think it means that I have a corner on these qualities! What it tells me is that manhood cannot be obsolete or undervalued, because it’s a part of God’s character. And it sets a positive standard for masculinity. Intelligence, creativity, productivity, and honesty (or commitment to Truth) are masculine qualities, and as I express those qualities more purely, I’m expressing my masculinity. Does this mean that only men are smart, creative, and honest, while women are not? Of course not! In the same way, Eddy followed that passage up by saying, “The ideal woman corresponds to Life and Love.” Does that mean that women are lively, energetic, social, caring, nurturing, and loving, but men are not? Again: No way! We each incorporate both sets of these qualities in our complete expression. But you could say that if I’m expressing nurturing qualities, or my loving ones, I’m expressing my womanhood. And that’s OK! Guys can express womanhood and women can express manhood. That’s the beauty of those qualities being united in God.
In Christian Science we learn that men and women were not created as two incomplete halves of a whole, but rather as the full expression of divine goodness and love, already complete and perfect. Eddy wrote, “The masculine mind reaches a higher tone through certain elements of the feminine, while the feminine mind gains courage and strength through masculine qualities.” 3
How do we conquer the stereotypes that threaten to divide and demean us? As that passage reminds us, by being undivided ourselves. Each of us has the right to claim and express our manhood and womanhood. And as we let our own light shine brighter, that naturally helps free those around us from anything that would inhibit their individuality. That model of unified manhood and womanhood can and must bless men and women alike—and our world at large.
